From Passenger to Driver: Taking Control After Psychosis

I used to describe manic episodes as being a passenger in my own body - watching myself do things I couldn't control, but remembering everything afterward. The worst part wasn't even the episode itself; it was the shame that followed.

The Episode That Changed Everything

Three years ago, during my most severe manic episode, I truly believed I was receiving messages from the universe. I quit my job via email at 3 AM, convinced I was meant to start a revolutionary nonprofit. I emptied my savings account and drove across three states to "fulfill my destiny."

My family found me in a hotel room, surrounded by notebooks filled with incomprehensible plans to "save humanity." I was hospitalized for two weeks.

The Passenger Experience

That's when I first used the phrase that resonated with so many others in our community. I felt like a passenger in my own body - aware of what was happening, but unable to stop the train. I watched myself make these decisions, said things I didn't mean, and hurt people I loved.

The hardest part was that everyone expected me to "just get better" after medication. They didn't understand that recovery isn't linear, and that I was dealing with both the medical aspects and the emotional trauma of feeling like I'd lost control of my own mind.

Learning to Recognize the Warning Signs

Recovery started when I began tracking my patterns with obsessive detail: - Sleep patterns (less than 6 hours for 3+ nights = red flag) - Speech pace (family learned to notice when I talked faster) - Decision-making impulses (wanting to make big changes suddenly) - Energy levels that felt "wired" rather than naturally high

From Passenger to Driver

The turning point came when my therapist helped me reframe the passenger metaphor. Instead of being a helpless passenger, I could learn to be a more aware one - someone who notices when the driver (my brain chemistry) is getting reckless, and who has tools to help navigate.

Now I have: - **Early intervention plans** with my psychiatrist for medication adjustments - **A support network** trained to recognize my warning signs - **Grounding techniques** that help when I feel disconnected from my decisions - **Financial safeguards** (trusted family member has access to accounts during episodes)

What I Want Others to Know

You're not broken. You're not weak. That passenger feeling? It's real, and it's valid. But with the right support, medication, and self-awareness tools, you can move from the passenger seat to being a more informed co-pilot of your own life.

Recovery doesn't mean episodes never happen. It means having a better navigation system when they do.

*If you're experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out immediately. Call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.*